IN THEIR WORDS – LAINE RASMUSSEN ROUND 10

NOT only are we blessed to possess some of the best young footballing talent in the state, we have a diverse group of intelligent and sophisticated young men representing our club.

Drew and Kody have both demonstrated this well, with articulate and witty articles in previous weeks. It is great to see that they have both not only just read, but have taken note of my earlier articles and have confirmed their abilities to use the ‘copy and paste’ function of their respective computers. With a plethora of clichés at their disposal, you have been kept up to date with exactly how we are feeling as a football team (and how hard it is to keep up with the constant metamorphosis of nicknames).

This week, I shall change tack, as my value in giving insights to our current playing form and expectations of things to come is currently quite limited. Due to a string of injuries I’ve spent a fair bit of time away from the club which has allowed me to focus on a variety of other pursuits.

At football clubs we often get too caught up thinking about football, so if I may, I will digress into the cosmos to divulge what footballers do when they aren’t playing football. 

"Emus tend to travel in pairs, or alone, or in groups and tend to eat at night or day." – Russell Coight

I like this quote from Russell, as I think it is becoming ever more relevant to the modern day footballer. I refer to this as this is just my version of events, not applicable to all. So please do not assume all footballers are as self-indulgent as I am, as six months of training on your own with Shayne Zanetti as your only friend does some strange things to you.

I spend my 9-5 as an oral hygiene crusader, changing opinions of our profession as the ‘thieves in white coats’, and also changing lives. FAQs include: 

Q) Do I need to floss? 
A) Yes

Q) Do I need my wisdom teeth out?
A) Probably

Q) Why did you want to be a dentist?
A) I wanted to be a carpenter but I get sunburnt easily

Q) Why do dentists insist on talking while they have things in my mouth?
A) I already know everything about Barbara the nurse and her three kids so I need something to brighten my day

Yes, I will test your gag reflex, because frankly, I don’t have one. (AKA Banana-Man)

A broken thumb meant that I was unable to work, which gave me four weeks to get through all documentaries on Netflix (no chill). After this, as well as all productive activities were accomplished after week one, I was left wondering if I could turn back time.

With the discovery of Einstein’s gravitational waves, I am hopeful that the wormhole I have dreamed of has finally been made possible. Further reading into this branch of theoretical physics again left me disappointed. With the arrow of time dictated by the second law of thermodynamics, the universe, as well as my hopes of jumping a few weeks back, seem destined for the gloomy ‘heat death’.

In a world where chaos and decay is inevitable due to rising entropy, things may look bleak. However, I find comfort knowing that after 13.7 billion years and 200 thousand years of human existence, these goldilocks conditions have left me here and able to play football again after six short weeks.

Scientific theory has again helped me understand how my issue is not as big issue I once thought it was. I fear the perfect ‘Goldilocks’ conditions that have led to the boom of civilisation in the last 10,000 years are being pushed to their fragile limits by our recent exploitation of scarce resources. 

But that is beyond the scope of this article.

"Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one" – Anon

However, I would add that your opinions differ from assholes, as yours should be frequently and meticulously explored.

Dr Laine Rasmussen
Footballer, Dentist, Philosopher